Unless you’d ask her about her sex life, stop asking a woman when she’s going to have a baby

When are you having a baby? When is the next one coming along?

This question has me fired up these days.

Because this question causes too much pain for too many people I love and care about.

And I get asked this ALL the time. By well-meaning, curious people that I genuinely like.

It’s often just “casual conversation.” But you need to know – this topic is NOT casual conversation.

In one question, you are asking a woman about:

  • Her relationship with her husband
  • Her relationship with her kids (if she already has them)
  • Her most personal hopes and dreams (which may or may not include children)
  • Her sex life
  • Her reproductive health
  • Her mental and emotional health
  • Her experience of motherhood (if she is already a mother)

And let me tell you – that is a BOTTOMLESS WELL of personal, constantly-changing information that is not on the table for causal conversation.

And if any one of those areas is painful, you’ve just poured vinegar on a wound.

I have friends that have been trying to conceive and lost multiple babies. And are still trying.

I have friends that have been trying to conceive for years. And are still trying.

I have friends that have had one child, tried to conceive again, and discovered they no longer could.

I have friends that have children and have been trying for another, and just miscarried.

You just don’t know what you’re asking when you ask this question.

And you just don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes when you ask this question.

You could ask a woman this question WHILE she’s miscarrying a baby and you would never, ever know.

So please.

Unless you would ask a woman about something as personal as her sex life, stop asking her when she’s having a baby.

It’s too personal. And too potentially painful.

When a woman is having a baby, you’ll know.

Just had to get that out there.

It’s been bothering me.


Sarah according to Justin – brings a kindness, compassion and empathy to every conversation she finds herself in. She has a remarkable gift for reaching out and leaving others better than when she met them. She’s also a devoted, patient, and loving wife and mother with a passion for seeing God’s love realized in this world.

1 Comment

  1. Amy Hoszowski

    I full whole heartedly agree with you Sarah! Been there done that as they say. After we had our first I had SO many friends and family ask over and over again that I was getting SO angry because I wanted more children but between hubby’s crazy schedule and my body’s schedule it didn’t happen as we had “planned”….so I had to rethink retrain my brain. Instead of stressing over growing our family and getting mad every time someone asked me the horrid question and me snap on them….I started to be positive and just say it’ll happen if it’s meant to or if God blesses us with more children we’ll let you know. We now have 2 beautiful girls 4.5 years apart and I still get asked the annoying question just not as often now…but my answer now is just “it’s up to God!”

    Unless we have shared our birth experiences with those special enough to hear it I don’t get asked by them. Lol

    Love you guys xoxo

Comments are closed.